![]() Third, the porn user may expect that their partner will always be immediately ready for intercourse… This is unrealistic as well. Thus a porn user may form the unrealistic expectation that sex will be under only one person’s control. Second, when watching pornography the user is in total control of the sexual experience, in contrast to normal sex in which people are sharing control with the partner. But when one person becomes accustomed to masturbating to porn, they are actually turning away from intimate interaction. The images themselves reinforce selfishness (you deserve to be served and to take what you want) and then the masturbation reinforces the idea that you deserve to receive pleasure when you want it.ĭrs John and Julie Gottman, who are clinical psychologists and marriage experts, wrote an open letter on porn that’s worth the read, but this is especially pertinent:įirst, intimacy for couples is a source of connection and communication between two people. ![]() So the porn user pairs sexual response and a dopamine reaction (the pleasure chemical in the brain) with the stimulation of pornography. They go hand in hand (sorry for the terrible pun but they do!). Those effects are often still present, even when the porn use ends, because porn use changes personality. What I do want to talk about are the psychological effects, including anger and selfishness, of porn on husbands. Those posts will help, but I don’t want to repeat that today. I’ve also written about how porn addiction affects women, too–and has similar effects to the ones I’m discussing today for men. We have a great marriage other than this. But he seems different, like he is bored or depressed and he always says he is tired. He hasn’t been viewing porn since, I know because I have been checking. In fact I know he has been pleasing himself rather than make love to me. I wanted him to tell me it wasn’t about ME, and that I was still attractive to him. He told me he would never look at it again. He even became angry at me because I was crying. Needless to say, I was devastated! When I asked him what was going on, he told me I was just over reacting. He forgot his phone at home last week and I looked at the history. ![]() Just recently I discovered that he was viewing porn…a lot! Just recently I noticed him spending an increased amount of time on his phone, and staying up later than me (which he has never done). I am 52, married to a man 8 years my junior.
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